from probe to purpose.

Good friends of the blog: how’s it going? I’m not going to act like we haven’t spoken in months. I’m not going to catch you up on stuff. Instead, I am going to post something I meant to post a little while back. I rediscovered it the other day, swapped around a few words, remembered some stuff I wanted to forget, changed a few endings, got a little nostalgic, got a little mad, got a little sad and posted it.

I hope all has been going well for you and I hope you know that I have missed you and your awesome way of reading the blog.

I hope you like reading it, I mean, I know the other stuff that I write is probably more fun, but I don’t want you thinking that I’ve only got one dimension. So, I keep-on keeping-on. Here’s some more seemingly futile writings from me, katie beth byerley. Now read on and get pleasantly enlightened, confused, whatever. And know that I’ve missed you.

Anyhow, here goes:

::

probe.

Oh, verses with iambic pentameter…
Oh, poems with images of things…

But the things are images.
And, if that’s the case, the images are things.

And what if that one really did mean “wheelbarrow?”

Really, I think we’re just beating-a-dead-horse.
Those people might have, in fact, said what they meant and meant what they said.

To the similes,
To the metaphors,
To the imagery:

I bid you a line of brightly-colored ink & little plastic tabs stuck-all-at-the-edges-of-my-pages…

And I offer up the 3-D boxes I draw over-and-over-and-over, just to get away for a second…

And I’ll hand you my sanity in replace of your veracity.

[maybe they didn’t want us to know what they really meant]

Well, I no longer want to bear your delegation.
I’ll just pass it, and the ink, and the tabs, and the boxes, and the sanity onto the next, the next, the next, and the next.

And I’ll tell them, “good luck,” but I won’t mean it.

::

S&H well-wishers:

I hold onto certain friendships and I hold on tight,

But it’s not because I like you, because I don’t,
And it’s not because we have anything in common, we never really did,
And it’s not because we’ll ever see each other again, because we won’t,
And it’s not because I think you’re funny, cause you’re not,
And it’s not because you think I’m funny, you probably find me to be completely different from anything you like and know --

[in which case, I thank you]

And it’s not because we haven’t ever fought, although, we never did,
And it’s not because I really miss you, because I don’t,
And it’s not because I wonder how you’re doing, because I really don’t care,
And it’s not because I’m proud of you for joining some False-Greek-Sisterhood, because you have to feel included, and you have to feel accepted with happy smiles and plastic cups as your little veil,
And it’s not because we’re waiting to follow-through with all those plans we made:

No, I certainly don’t hold on for any of those reasons.
I’m holding on for the nostalgia,

Because we used to be friends.
We used to be and I don’t want to get mixed up in your ridiculousness because I’m afraid,
But I’m not afraid of your lifestyle and I sure as hell don’t envy you with your silly-parties-stupid-ideas-false-believings-head-in-your-ass-ways-of-thinking,

No, I just hold on because I don’t want to taint my memories of who I used to be,
Because I was always some version of who I am now, only getting better.
I guess I thought by now, you would have caught up, and I guess I thought you’d be a lot smarter. But, turns out, you’re still an idiot.

But I’m not going to let go. Because I need my memories, and I’m afraid that if I saw you tomorrow, we’d mess-them-all-up, and we’d go through the motions of a conversation and all-the-while, we’d be saying nothing. And that’s all we’d be able to remember.
I guess it’s pretty selfish of me.

::

I am, in every respect, loyally dedicated to the pursuit of a pragmatically pensive euphoria.

…maybe it was just a nice thought?
But I really thought it.

I mean, I really did.

But I don’t feel silly,
Or ridiculous,
Or like I was living-a-falsity.

No, I just wish it was more than just a nice thought,
More than just some idea.

I guess I’ll see you around. Never mind about what I just said.

::

to the histories of the arts and the arts of the histories:

How we try-and-try-and-try to understand what you meant.
And how we analyze, oh, how we analyze:
your gods, your loves, your lives, your needs, your wants, your jobs, your homes, your children, your truths, your colors, your dress, your minds, your thoughts, your passions, your ardors, your desires…

But we can’t know. At least, not really.

And I wonder what you would think of us, Arts and Artists of the Past.
I wonder what you would think if the time was reversed
And my present was your past, and you were living now and unearthing all that my world had done:

I wonder what you’d say if you unearthed our “Art.”
And you saw our Madame Tussaud’s bizarre and eerie completions of waxed-out-washed-up celebrities, and you pulled them up out of the ground, and their glittery eyes were dulled and their fingers were broken, and their wax had somehow made it through the years and didn’t melt, although, I wish it would have.

And you tried to figure out why we had done it. And you scratched your heads.
Maybe you’d think we worshipped them as our gods and goddesses.
Perhaps some of us did, but just know that most of us didn’t.

Most of us were just as confused as you all were.
And maybe, as your hands sculpted the marble dips and curves into your gods and goddesses,
You felt like a jerk for questioning it all.

But you kept-on. I think that’s what I admire most about you, Arts and Artists of the Past.

::

You will, most likely, spend another second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year…

Doing nothing. Nothing but worrying about yourself,
And your purple glitter for your eyelids,
And your hot pink polish for your hands,

And you’ll worry about where to go drink-and-dance,
And you’ll complain that your boy has broken-your-heart,

But there wasn’t one to break.
Well, there is one, but it already belongs to you and you alone.

It’s not that everyone loves you, it’s just that you only love yourself.
And I’m tired of having to hear about it.

I don’t care.

::

I sat outside a dollar-budget store
in the parking lot.
And the car parked beside me had a woman, her children, and her cigarette
in the parking lot.

And she sucked on the smoke, and she drew it out and blew it back up into the universe.
And her son sat beside her in the front, fumbling with his seat-belt, trying to keep safe.
And her teen-angst daughter sat in the back, sinking her teeth into a candy bar.

The mother had on so much make-up, and her lavender-dewed eyelids looked bright and washed out against the fake orange of her skin.
Like the dressing on a corpse, she was trying to look alive.

And as she pulled out of the parking lot and splashed through the rainbow puddle of an oil spill, she looked right at me and I can’t understand why she hesitated.

I guess it was because I was looking at her, and her children, and her cigarette.
And I saw right through it all. I saw her
in some parking lot.

::

Do you have anything else that you’d like to say?
I wondered it to myself as the girl beside me kept her notebook closed and her pen down.
She was not taking notes and she was doing it as a tiny-baby protest against the teacher in front of us:

The girl sat there, arms folded, breath huffing every-so-often-to-get-her-point-across,
And I knew it was because that Philosophy teacher told us she was nonreligious, ironically enough.
And the girl wasn’t.
And she argued,
And she argued loud,
Over-and-over-and-over,

Of course, she was trying to convince herself and no one else in that room.

And I felt sorry for her.
Because she was missing the point:

If you wear gloves for-forever, you start to forget what your hands looked like.

::

It was pretty magical-enchanted-just-in-time,
The way I met the metaphysical realm of it all

The wonderful-beautiful-possible-here-for-you
World of the Hyperlinks

Leads me to discover things who are still waiting to be discovered.

::

Truth, you sit there in the traveling cart of the Circus,
And we can pay-our-tokens-eat-our-peanuts
And watch…

But we aren’t to touch,
The bars keep you inside,
But we can see just-enough.

Just-enough to keep us coming back-and-back-and-back
And paying-more-tokens, for we can’t think of anything better for which to spend them,
And we do it all
Just to watch some show.

::

Did you both forget?
Did you forget that it was me who brought you together?

You must have.
Surely, that’s the reason,

Because I have forgotten the both of you,
At least for the moment.

And I’ll enjoy every second of that moment,
Because I hate to taint my brains with your memories of Skies Calling and Quitting in the Hills’ Laughing.

::

I hate learning new things about you,
Because I keep waiting to learn something that will make me stop wanting to learn,
But it hasn’t happened.

And it scares me because I know I’d go-back-on-the-things-I-believe,
If it meant I could keep on learning about you and who you were, are, and will be.

I hate reading what you have to say.
Because I keep waiting to read something that will make me hate you,
And what a joke that is.
Nothing could make that happen.

And I hate hearing what comes out of your mouth.
It rattles me, but in the best-sort-of-way.

I know I don’t know you, but I feel like I do.
I feel like it’s the shadows,
The forms,
The things I’ve seen in a past life,
And I just keep on getting reminded.

When I said I hated learning,
I lied.
When I said I hated reading,
I lied again.
And when I said I hated hearing what comes out of your mouth,
I guess I lied a third time.

And I hate lying.
So I’m going to keep-on learning and I’m going to keep-on reading and I’m going to keep-on hearing, at least I hope,
Because the forms won’t fail me,

But then they did.

I hope you like her very much and I hope I never have to hear about any of it.

::

I hope you know that you are things:

You are not defined by-that-one-time
You are not defined by-that-school-you’re-at
You are not defined by-that-shirt-on-your-back
You are not defined by-that-one-story
You are not defined by-that-job-you-have
And you are certainly not defined by-that-job-you-had.

No, no.
You are defined by the seeking of the definition.

And you might get it tomorrow, but you might never get it at all, but
Just know that it’s within. You just have to go seeking it.

Cause that’s really all we do,
We search for something to awake our souls,

But we forget that it starts within ourselves;
And not books.

We are given these bodies,
And this is where we will live
And this is where we will die.

It’s comforting, really. At least we know we have that one constant.

Death is not what we fear,
We fear Death without a purpose.

See to it that you have Purpose,
And I’ll be right there with you,
Searching and seeking for the same.

::

I know you’re busy.
But I don’t know if you’re too busy.
I mean, you make time for things you really want to do,
And it’s okay that my mail isn’t on that list.

It doesn’t hurt my feelings.
Well, maybe a little,
But it really hurts my feelings to know that
You’re too busy doing things,
Trying to make it look like you’re doing something important.
We both know you’re not.

I had hoped for more out of you.

You look real dumb in that one picture.

::

Well, I think that was worth coming back for. I mean, these have been saved on my laptop for a little while, and I thought that I wasn’t going to post them, but then I thought, “yes I am.” And so, I did, after a few swipes and swaps. I hope it wasn’t time wasted.

That was kind of a long little post. Ah, who cares. I didn’t tell you that you had to read it, anyhow.

Did you like it? You know I hope you did, cause I really care about your feelings. Really. They’re super-important to me and all that I am.

Welcome back to the blog.
I missed you like the deserts miss the rains. Yes. I just said that.

Yours with one of those knowing nods-and-a-smirk to a person that you haven’t seen in a while,
katie beth

daytrippin' on daytrotter.

What is up, dudes and dudettes? I have something really important to tell you about: DAYTROTTER.COM.

I have been meaning to bring daytrotter.com to the blog. I don’t know why I would have ever forgotten. I think it’s probably because I fill up so much of my day with Daytrotter, that, on some mental level, I thought I had already done it. Really.

And so, that’s what we’re gonna talk today. DAYTROTTER.COM
Do it.

Anyhow, I know that you and me both are always searching for great music. And if you gots the poison, I gots the remedy. Okay, so Jason Mraz isn’t a featured artist on Daytrotter, but that’s okay. We already know him.

At any rate, let me give you a quick tutorial on DT.

So, the whole premise is that sort of thing that you toss and turn over at night in your bed because you didn’t think of it first. How cool do these people have to be that they decided to use The Horseshack in Rock Island, Illinois as a place where righteous bands come to record songs that you and me can download FO FREE [for the most part] and listen to whenever we feel like it? I’ll tell you how cool you’d have to be: you would have to be so cool that there is no word available for which to describe you. Ergo, the good people over at Team Daytrotter are just so ______.

Also, here’s what Daytrotter.com has to say about their studio. And I quote:

“About the studio: The Horseshack, Rock Island, Illinois:

Daytrotter Sessions are engineered by Mike Gentry, Patrick Stolley, Brad Kopplin, Brett Allen or Nick Krill.

The Daytrotter recordings are made with minimal mic’ing, through discrete preamps and with some limiting to the mixing console, where they are printed to 1/4” analog tape running at 15 inches per second (usually BASF 468). The analog master is later transferred to a computer and converted to MP3.

There is no set formula or pattern to the recordings, no specific mic setup, etc. They are all live, no overdubs, straight to tape. What you hear is what happened in the room that day.”

Isn’t that just the coolest thing ever? Really. Let’s be honest with each other. That’s the coolest thing ever.

Anyway, the thing is, you create a quick little account [so you can comment and what not] and then you download. It is as simple as that. A new folder is created, you drop those sweet files into your itunes library, and you can thank me later. Plus, while you’re waiting [and it’s not a long wait] for those songs to download, there is always a wonderful write-up about the tunes you’re about to bump. PLUS AGAIN those drawings of the bands are, quite possibly, the coolest things I have ever seen. Genuinely.

Also. There’s an app for that.

So, being a true fan of DT, I thought I’d tell you about my top 7 sessions that you too! can download FO FREE. Has that settled in yet? I said FO FREE. Check it.

7. Sara Watkins
Alright, kids. As good people of the musical realms, we know about that great trio we used to call Nickel Creek. And, we all remember our good friend from that trio, Miss Sara Watkins. Guess what?! She is totally doing a solo stint. And, it’s quite lovely.

6. Josh Ritter
Okay- quick: what five letters spell apocalypse? WWIII. I think that explains it.

5. Fleet Foxes
Really, all I should have to say is Fleet Foxes. That alone should be enough for you to go ahead and download it. And that’s all I’m gonna say.

4. The Temper Trap
We love some Sweet Disposition here at the blog. Ergo, it gets even better live. Especially that first song. Whoa nelly.

3. The National
OMG. I heart The National more than life itself. I don’t care how good of a mood you’re in. I don’t care if the sky is vomiting rainbows. I don’t care if you have an unlimited supply of tootsie roll pops. The National will ALWAYS bring you down to a sense of complete and total dejected lament. And it’s kind of the greatest thing ever. Ugh. I love.

2. Local Natives
OKAY. There are a few sessions available for download by the Local Natives. What I need you to make sure that you do is download “Wide Eyes” and “Airplanes.” AND, if you’re a good reader of the blog, you know that “Airplanes” is most definitely one of those sweet songs available for your click, over on the right.

1. Bon Iver
HOLY SMOKES NUMBER ONE SESSION! Okay, guys. Now, I feel that the real point of recording something live for your fans is giving them something different. It’s no different than a live show. Don’t play me your record- I’ve got that at the house. Well, Bon Iver has done it again. I am sure that every time I hear the songs of my beloved Bon Iver, that there is no way I could ever love them any more than I do in that moment. Alas, I am always surprised. This session is like money in the bank. It is so beyond any tangible realm of greatness. I am being completely serious. Also, I am now positive that I am supposed to marry Justin Vernon. Once again, our love is real.


And, I read where JV did some work on Kanye West's new album. Nice. AND I read that a new Bon Iver album is no longer just a phantom dream I constantly have. It's coming, kids. And it's going to be major.

Now, for the most part, these are all bands/peeps that we have discussed before, here at the blog. And that’s the point. Nothing is more glorious than hearing a song you already love turned into something that you want to completely blast out loud like a revival in the church of righteousness.

And, there is plenty more where that came from. Daytrotter has hosted a veritable smorgasbord [I have always wanted to use that word on the blog. Nicely done] of impressive music. Let me give you a quick little rundown of SOME of their really awesome stuff:

Death Cab for Cutie
Avett Brothers
Dr. Dog
Grizzly Bear
Yeasayer
Ra Ra Riot
Metric
Okkervil River
We Were Promised Jetpacks
Woods
Noah & The Whale
Here We Go Magic
Neon Indian
Peter Wolf Crier
Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin
Islands
The Morning Benders
Nathaniel Rateliff
Horse Feathers
One EskimO
Amos Lee
Ingrid Michealson
Ben Taylor [yes, the son of James Taylor & Carly Simon]
Of Montreal [shout-out to mikey.p]
Brett Dennen
Au Revoir Simone
Justin Townes Earle
LIGHTS
Cold War Kids
Grace Potter & The Nocturnals
J. Tillman
Bear Hands
Mat Kearney
The Get Up Kids
Beach House
Colin Hay
Dawes
Vampire Weekend

AND, speaking of Vampire Weekend, you should download their session, if nothing else, for their “Welcome to Daytrotter” bit. It is kind of hilarious.

But, really. Did you read that list? I mean, that was just a few. It’s nothing short of incredible. YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE WEBSITE NOW.

Well, kids, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it all night: Daytrotter is where it’s at. And therefore, it’s where you should be, too. Also, I ordered one of their summer tees and I got some sweet shades as well. You bet they say “Daytrotter” on the side! AND they sent me some stickers and buttons. To which I say, “right on.”

Friends of the music-sphere, I bid you good listening. Also, it would be wise of you to LIKE! And give the thumbs-up, via Facebook to Daytrotter.com. It’s the best way to get your tunage on. So do it.

Also, Team Daytrotter is working on a documentary. LIKE! it on Facebook and then, build your music karma by sending your pennies and nickels their way. These things take money.

Finally, [sort of] I just saw where, if you e-mail teamdaytrotter@gmail.com with my name in the message, citing that I gave you the resources to check out some DT, then I could get a cool package of some sort. For the record, I had been working on this post long before I knew of this. Honestly. Do you know how long it took me to insert all of those damn hyperlinks? Let me just tell you that it wasn't easy. Okay, you can e-mail if you want, but then will I have to send you a package saying, "thanks" ?? Cause guess what, good reader? I totally would. Let's bring back the Pen Pal Club.

What's more, you can use that same email address to let Team Daytrotter know that you would like to help them out, via your campus life. You should really do it. I can sense that you're a responsible person.

Okay, go download.

Yours,
katie beth

WAIT. I just wanted to tell you something that, in most ways, relates to music. You know I now have a new little ipod shuffle? Well, I do. Anyhow, I’m still getting used to it, and I really think we’re getting along quite well. At any rate, there’s this new feature where, when I hold down the button on the earbuds, there’s a lady’s voice who provides me with the song and the people/person singing it. So, I am not too proud to tell you that I have one Ke$ha song. So, here’s the point, if you can even call it that:

The voiceover lady said, “Your Love is My Drug, Key Dollar Sign Ha.” Well, I thought that was quite clever of her. In some ways, it was like voiceover lady was making fun of Ke$ha. I like that about her. By saying the literal spelling of her name, voiceover lady was like, being a little bitchy. Anyhow, that was the point. And I really do kind of like that song. Also, I like your beard. See how I did that? Sorry.

PS--
There are some sweet new songs on the blog's impressive line-up to your right. You're welcome.

DAYTROTTER 4 LIFE.

the original t-pain[e].

These are the times that try men’s souls. Actually, not hardly, but perhaps. Regardless, I do feel as if I am having an inner-struggle with my current blogging habits. You see, since we last spoke on that ghost post, I have since started a new blog over on OpenSalon.com. I know. I felt really weird about it. I mean, I felt kind of guilty. And I felt…like a cheater. That’s right. A blog cheater. Quite possibly one of the worst kinds of cheater to be. And it got me down.

But then, I realized what needed to be done:

I had to set-out to make these two blogs different. And I believe that is just what I have done. Kind of.

Therefore, it will be the goal of this blog to continue talking important stuff and the goal of the other to document my academic quests in the world of English. Or something like it.

Which makes sense, at least to me, and I think it will work. However, this post is going to have to be an exception. I plan on copying and pasting these here words onto the other blog as well. Yep.

Okay, let’s settle into it, and please go ahead and realize that this is a heavy post, as I have always wanted to discuss religion with you, but I was never really certain about it. Well, the time is now. Okay. Ready. Set. Go:

As a reader of the blog, you know that the blog likes to get down with some stuff that makes our brilliant little minds work. You know, the sort of stuff that we can ponder whilst sippin’ on some tazo tea. Or, you know, gin and juice. Whatever your poison, we need things to think about. Which got me to thinking about a really awesome person in the groovy world of thinkin’. That person is the inspiration for this post, and also, the original T-Pain[e].

That’s right and damn straight. We are gonna talk Thomas Paine. So put on those thinking caps and lock-n-load into some common sense, it’s about to get real up in this bitch.

Alright kids, this summer I have been taking two summer classes, appropriately enough. One of the classes is Music Appreciation. And, by the way, I thought I already appreciated music and I suppose I did, but now, I appreciate it even more. Let’s hear it for Gregorian chants and blastin’ opera. Second, the other class I have been taking is American Literature. Which has been quite delightful as well. Our fine and free country has housed some really great writers.

SIDENOTE: I feel it’s important for me to dwell on that for a little bit. My teacher of that American Lit class brought to my attention that, really, it didn’t take our country much time to start producing writers that are still considered world-class. There’s something to be said for that, Amurrica.

And, on that topic, I found myself getting really into some Thomas Paine. I am pretty sure that he was a total bad-ass. And I think that’s why I like him so much, but most importantly, I finally got a chance in my academic career to write a paper about The Age of Reason: An Investigation of True and Fabulous Theology. Ah, it felt right to italicize that. Sweet, sweet rules of punctuation.

Anyhow, I might not do it anymore. It gets exhausting after a cool minute. OKAY, finally, it’s time to really discuss it with you, my wonderful reader. I know you’re super excited. If not: ‘the hell’s wrong with you? THIS IS IMPORTANT STUFF WE’RE DOING HERE. And don’t you ever forget it.

DISCLAIMER: Okay, so, here at the blog, it is never my intention to step on your political, religious, spiritual, or none-of-the-above toes. So, keep that in my mind. It’s a blog, not a revival or a call to revolt, or anything ridiculous like that.

Alright. Now, back in the diz-ay, T-Pain[e] was doing his thing and people were loving him for it. They thought, holy smokes. What a bitchin pamphlet. And so, they read his works and they got down with his words and he was, once again, a bad-ass. But here’s the thing, I believe what qualifies him to be a true bad-ass were his musings on Christianity. Now, here’s where it got tricky for our good friend T-Pain[e].

You see, people thought he was off. And, with that publication of his Deistic work, he lost nearly all of his credibility. And he lost it because he went against some pretty crucial stuff that those good folks held near and dear. But hey! It makes sense!

So, let’s talk Deism. And let’s set-out to really establish The Age of Reason: An Investigation of [yadda yadda yadda] as something of great importance.

Wowsers. That was a fine intro. High-five, me.

Here we go, good reader:

Now, Deism, in its true definition, is “a belief in God based on reason rather than revelation and involving the view that God has set the universe in motion but does not interfere with how it runs.” Get it? Okay, if you need further explanation, our buddy T-Pain[e] most notably said of himself that “my mind is my own church.”

I believe that clarifies it. So, what he was establishing [at least to me] was this whole idea that sure, there is something bigger and better at work, here, but that doesn’t mean that we have to go to some sort of institution while dressed in our khakis and button-downs to get it. Furthermore, it’s the idea that the stuff around us [i.e. nature] is where any sort of religion needs to gather its roots, pun definitely intended.

Let me give you a for-instance: when I was a Senior in high school, way back in the day, [insert wink here] we were to do a Senior sermon at my church. And it was a pretty big deal for me, as it should have been. And so I won’t quote it in any great length, but the gist of the whole thing was something along the lines of this:

A few months before I gave the sermon, a classmate of mine died in this really random tragedy. And it was awful. And when I went to his funeral, and I saw his little sister I just couldn’t wrap my head around any of it. The whole thing was uncalled for. And all anyone could do was accept it and try to get something out of it. And then move on.

Well, I know this is getting heavy, but I have an uplifting point. The point is that when I got back in the car I was really emotional, obviously, and during the drive, something hit the windshield. Guess what it was? That’s right, it was the remains of some rude ass bird’s last meal hitting with impressive fervor. And it was funny. And right there in some big, huge, adult situation, something really silly happened: a bird shit on the car.

This is what I am talking about. Religion, spirituality, that whole song-and-dance, should rest easy in not having to be some big, opulent revelation or miracle or anything like that. It should be something that, if you’re looking for it, you’ll see it.

I didn’t expect to go into that with you, but I’m glad I did.

And I believe that’s what Thomas Paine was trying to say. He was trying to say that our religion doesn’t have to be like anyone else’s. We don’t have to go into the same building on the same day and sing the same songs and read the same passages to claim religion. We don’t have to support the same politics or the same social issues to establish ourselves as believers. And we sure as hell don’t have to falsely believe anything we don’t believe. No one wants to be a phony.

We can’t all expect to have the same relationship with the same person. In fact, that whole belief just seems silly, now doesn’t it?

And I don’t want anything to get misconstrued [although I am sure it will] What I am saying is that religion, or, in this respect, Christianity, can mean different things to different people. And rightfully so. I believe that’s the intention. I think God’s the kind of guy [or lady ???] that would laugh at the right times and get what it is I am trying to say. I don’t think that God is sitting around with a naughty and nice list. Being a Christian means, to me, having a relationship with God. And that relationship is unique.

I don’t think God minds where we are or what we’re doing. I think he’s just there for us if we need him. Kind of like the opposite of an over-bearing parent. Or like a library. Go with me on this: God is like a library because a library is there. They have books I can read. And I can read them and I can interpret them however I want to. And if they don’t have the book that I need, I can go to a different library or to the store. And the library won’t mind. If I buy a book at Books-A-Million one week, and then go to check-out another book at the library the next week, the library will still accept my card. No feelings will be hurt.

Explanation: the different books are different religions. I can pick and choose what to believe and still return to home base.

Perhaps that’s not what Deism truly is, and perhaps I don’t really care what Deism really means. I mean, we just established that we in no way have to fit a label to fit into a religion. I think that’s where it all gets confused. We try awfully hard to find something that we can jump up and say “Yes! That is what I believe!”

And I suppose it’s okay to believe all of something. In fact, I sort of envy people who do, but I can’t. I shouldn’t have to tell people what I believe to establish my credibility as a spiritual person. And if I try to explain to them what it is I do believe, I find that people act like I need to be enlightened. Guess what? I have. And they should read the blog.

I realize I’m going off on a bit of a rant, but religion is a tricky little thing. And rightfully so.

In the end, I don’t have any real authority in your life, but I do want to tell you that it is just a-okay with me if you pull from different belief systems and create your own groovy little spiritual revival. I think the people upstairs will high-five us for it. After all, we'll finally be using our common sense and we’ll finally be getting it right.

Revolution!

Yours,
katie beth
with today’s inspiration: the original T-Pain[e]

ghost busters, yo.

Man-oh-man-oh-man. Much has happened since we last spoke, person reading this blog. First and foremost, I have finally declared a big and impressive major. Thus far, it is set as English, but that sure as hell ain’t to say that it might not change. Also, whenever I write these posts, I feel the most important thing towards gaining my effectiveness, if you will, is writing the way that I would tell you something in person. Therefore, if I start a sentence with “and,” or if I fail to properly use quotations, italics, etc. around things that need to be quoted or italicized, etc. and when I overuse hyphens - well, please don’t let that make me lose any of my credibility as a budding English major. Really. I do know the rules. This blog is like my English rebel yell. Word.

Okay, now that we’ve got that out of the way, I have to quickly settle into what this post is all about:

Here at the blog, you know I like to tell you all about my dreams and aspirations. As a quick, written montage of some of those dreams, let me provide a list:

1. There was the dream I had about my car, Nelson, when he told me about his dreams of wanting to become an honorary member of the TMNT. Best dream ever.

2. There was my aspiration/dream to be a cast member on Glee where I would sing “Tomorrow,” of LOA fame. I’m sorry what? What’s “LOA?” Little Orphan Annie, bitches. That’s what.

Alright. So, now we have established that I do, in fact, tell you about my dreams/aspirations. I hope you care to know. And I really care to know about yours. Let’s meet up later and talk about them.

Anyhow, it’s now time for a big number three dream/aspiration:

Clearly, good music is a big component of the blog. In fact, it’s probably the most important component. I take great pride in the tunes that I select to pass onto you, my faithful and groovy reader. And it’s always been a dream of mine to be there when good music is getting its up-and-go.

[SIDENOTE: I’m not sure if the same is true for you, but apparently the Youtube videos are occasionally showing up as nothing more than white squares. Clearly, that sucks. Clearly, I’m working on it]

Alright, back to it:

For instance, when I first started jammin’ to John C. Mayer, I used to sit around and think how awesome it would have been to have been there when he was just playing at Borders and what-not. Basically, how cool it would be to say that “I knew him when.”

Good people, I feel that dream has come true. Let me explain:

If you’re a good reader of the blog and someone who follows the guidelines that I set in place for this epic blog, then you’ve listened to the songs that I put up. And if you’re an even better reader of the blog, then you’ve even ventured to go so far as to click the links. Now, those are links to [mainly] Myspace pages. And even though I don’t have a Myspace, I have always respected the musical prowess that this Web 2.0 site houses. Really.

What I’m getting at is that first link. It’s the one that reads “there’s ghosts in them woods.” Now, at first, the main reason for this post was my realization that I have never really talked about the ghosts in the blog. I know! It’s crazy. I mean, I’ve talked about all sorts of great music, but I’ve never told you all about ghosts in the woods. Well, the time is now.

First, let’s set into place that ghosts in the woods, or as I like to call them “g’s in the w’s,” are c.carden and s.jenkins. These two also have a righteously cool dog named wall-e. That alone should be reason enough for you to go check them out, but just in case you need more…

Good people, this is some good music. And, once again, I feel I have certainly established a reputation of someone who genuinely recognizes epic tunage. So, you can trust me. Feel free to go now and open that link somewhere so you can be groovin along whilst reading the rest of this post. It would be very appropriate.

Anyway, getting back to the dream and the point of this post:

After a series of fortunate events [like how I did that, L. Snicket fans?] I really feel safe in saying that I knew them when. Or now. Hm. Well, anyway, the sad news is that ghosts in the woods have since moved from good Kingsport to Nash Vegas. And I’m not going to say anything else about it because I’m a firm believer in the power of a jinx. Plus, the whole thing really gets me down. So, we’re not going to go there. But just know that I’m jealous of Nashville.

And, honestly, their move couldn’t have occurred at a worse time. Things were already heading south, as a direct result of another one of those damn twilight movies hitting the box office like a ton of bricks. The end of June/beginning of July 2010 was tough. Really. And now, here at the winding down of July, I have to ask one question to the good people over at that Em-Tee-Vee: “What in the hell am I gonna do without The [damn] Hills? Seriously.” Also, I am now going to confess my love for some Justin Bieber tunes. Gees. Things are really getting low here in k-town. But at least I have Fun Fest. And it is in Fun Fest that I see the light.

At any rate, good reader, I feel like I could go on and on telling you about how great them ghosts in the woods are, but on some level, that sort of talk seems to cheapen the whole thing. I mean, it’s not every day that I can’t seem to come up with a word that’s important enough to describe something. Ergo, I’m not gonna try. But they really are something pretty special. And I feel good about sharing that information with you.

And, so, I’ve been thinking about what ghosts in the woods fans would call themselves. You know, like how Adam Lambert fans are “Glamberts.” Or, how Jimmy Buffet fans are “Parrot Heads,” not to be confused with “Dead Heads.” Well, anyway, here’s what I’ve got so far:

1. Ghosties … no, that’s too obvious
2. Forest Rangers … i.e. “woods” ??
3. White Sheets … not very effective if I don’t somehow incorporate two holes for eyes
4. Ghost Busters … I feel that has definite potential

Also, I need to tell you something else in this post. I am really impressed with myself. Once again, good readers of the blog know about past posts and hold them dear to their hearts. In a post about hm, I believe it was Avatar, I gave you a wonderful poem by W.S. Merwin. Guess what homies? He’s just been announced as the 17th American Poet Laureate. Holy smokes. CALLED IT!

Furthermore, I have, in past posts, given you lists about songs/bands/new albums that I have been groovin to. On NPR’s awesome website, they listed the top albums of 2010, so far. Actually, fans voted. Anyway, much of the albums listed have, at one time or another, lent their auditory bliss to the blog. Again. CALLED IT.

So, with that information locked into your lovely brain, go ahead and re-heed my advice about bumpin a little ghosts in the woods. Cause let’s face it. I know my shit.

ONE MORE THING:
The blog would like to send out a big ole bitchin b-day wish to a good reader of the blog, m.fox. Okay, here goes: Happy Birthday to your friend and mine, Madelyn: Alias Madge. I hope your day is both rockin’ and rollin’.

Yours,
katie beth

PS:
http://www.myspace.com/ghostsinthewoods
^ here’s that link again, so click it and get familiar. By the way, I know if you click it or not. I have a blog radar/computer x-ray vision gun. And I really do want you to click it right the hell now. I feel like it’s my duty in life to head up the Kingsport chapter of ghosts in the woods’ fan club. No, really. It’s completely legit. Also, I will now be incorporating what will be known as the blog’s “Final Word.” Or, you know, sentence.

FINAL WORD: I ♥ g’s in the w’s. And you should, too.

the futile justification of non-futile annie.

Well, I suppose it’s fair to say that it’s obvious as to what this post is pertaining to. But let’s pretend like you hadn’t already seen the title. Instead, let me kick this off with a question that has been quietly, yet ferociously, puzzling the minds of the world for quite some time now: what the hell is a bottom-dollar?

Well, good reader. You’ve come to the right place. Because here, I answer the tough questions. I go where no blogger [lame] has gone before. But I digress.

Actually, you probably have already defined that phrase. It’s not like it’s all that challenging to figure-out. But it’s rather lovely, isn’t it? That earnest little orphan is so fervently optimistic that there will, in fact, be sun tomorrow, that she’s willing to bet that last dollar. That’s some heavy shit.

No, no. It’s not right of me to poke any sort of cynical fun. And if I did and if I do, I didn’t and won’t mean it. I love Annie. Genuinely. And if you’ve never seen it, well, that is so completely too bad. Don’t worry. I have it on VHS. AND the soundtrack. And it’s important for you to know that it’s the 1982 version with Carol Burnett as Ms. Hannigan. It’s the best one. Really.

Naturally, these aren’t the sorts of things that a person tells other people for fear of being seen as un-cool. But, I feel that we’ve known each other long enough. And I feel that music is a major component of this here blog. And I have certainly established my credibility as someone who genuinely knows good music. I hope you’ll agree.

So, therefore, when I tell you how great Annie is, you will not only agree with me, but you’ll confide in my musical tastes, because I’ve never steered you wrong before.

Alright, here’s what I’ve been thinking. As a person who has loved musical theatre for, well, nearly my own forever, I sure do love Glee. Now, Glee is a wonderful television program that, although, does go through a few cheesy dialogues, it still does an excellent job of high-lighting big-time Broadway-esque voices.

Naturally, I have often pondered who I would play on Glee. And here’s what I’ve come up with:

Picture it: there’s some sort of set-up where one of the cast members has to come back into the school, perhaps because they left a biology book in their locker. I suppose it could be an English book. Or a math book. Or a pencil. Okay, that’s not important.

ANYWAY, this cast member hears a stirring and instantly knows that there’s strange talk of musical theatre abroad. That’s when I will be revealed, mopping the floors.

BAM. It’s a dark lit hallway with a single spotlight. And there I am, singing “Tomorrow.” Now, don’t get it twisted. I won’t be doing it in its original form. By that time, I will have perfected my acapella interpretation. But my version, naturally, will be cool and beyond-boss. Maybe I’ll even dye my hair red. Needless to say, it will be legendary.

Yep. That’s how it would all play out.

Anyway, good reader. I realize that this post may not seem important. But hell’s bells! Nothing could be more important than the heart wrenching story of a freckled orphan who waits and dreams of the day that her parents will come back and get her!

I mean, have you ever heard “Maybe” GEES! Don’t even go there without a steady supply of Kleenex on-tap. There little Annie is with all of the other little orphans and she’s singing about the type of people that she hopes her parents are. And even though they left her, she’s not bitter about it at all. She says how she “[bets] they’re good, why shouldn’t they be? Their one mistake was giving up me.”

HOLY SMOKES. I mean really.

You just let that settle-in for a cool little minute.

Have you ever noticed how much I overuse hyphens? Well, much like Annie, hyphens are incredibly underrated.

Anyhow, the real beauty of Annie is that she never gives up on knowing that something good will come out of something tough. She really is a tough little cookie.

And I completely respect that in a person. And I fully believe in the power of positive thinking. After all, the sun will, undoubtedly, come out tomorrow. I mean, unless the world ends or something, but like that’s gonna happen. Although, I did hear the other day that Ricky Martin recently starred in Les Miserables. Pretty sure that’s one of the seven signs of the apocalypse. So, you know, cross your fingers.

Yours today and tomorrow,
katie beth

ziggy and his pocket full o' stardust.

Good, good, good friend of the blog. How long has it been since we last spoke? I don’t know either, but gees, it feels like it’s been forever and a day. And I’ve missed you. I hope the same is true for you missing the blog. I really love having you around.

Anyhow, let’s settle right on into it, just like we’ve never left. And I thought, what better way to kick off the first o-fficial post of the summer then by me telling you about some of my current obsessions. Some of them are new and some of them are resurfacing from obsessions past. I think you’ll enjoy hearing about them. If not, well, I guess that’s just too bad.

OKAY. Here goes.

1. Zippy (not to be confused with Ziggy)
Zippy is the name I have given to my new ipod shuffle. That’s right. My old shuffle was never found and I’m actually really surprised that I never did find it. It’s quite the bummer. HOWEVER. My new shuffle is pretty stellar. Its name is Zippy because it looks like a mini Zippo. Which makes perfect sense.

2. Best Buy
Have you ever shopped for compact discs (disks?) at Best Buy? Well, you should. A few months, (weeks?) ago, I bought some incredible tunage. Which brings us to number three…

3. BROKEN BELLS.
Well, I heard them a good little while ago, and they have been featured on the blog’s line-up of important music for quite some time now, but I finally got my hands on the actual cd. And holy moly. It’s quite spectacular. Broken Bells is the fusion-groovy-hybrid of James Mercer of the Shins fame, and Danger Mouse of just flat-out awesome fame. Anyhow, it’s great. Go check it.

4. High Violet
I know I’ve talked a lot about The National’s new album, but I’m probably not going to be able to quit. If you haven’t done so already, I really want you to hear it. I am in total love.

5. Fleet Foxes
I also picked up the album by this awesome band at Best Buy. Now, Fleet Foxes aren’t really new news. I had heard “Blue Ridge Mountains” a while back, but now that I have their album, I’m gonna tell you that it’s important for you to own it as well. Especially a little ditty called “White Winter Hymnal.” HELL’S BELLS. That’s all I got to say about that one.

6. PANDORA (not be confused with anything Avatar-related)
Now, I have discussed this incredible application before, but we’re gonna do it again. Because it just deserves it. I entered “Bon Iver” into mine and so now, I have “Bon Iver Radio.” It’s true what they say. Dreams really do come true. And it bumps constant Bon Iver, Iron & Wine, Tim Fite, Andrew Bird, Joe Purdy, Alexi Murdoch…whoa, it goes on and on. And it just gets better.

7. BPM-CURRENT DANCE HITS
XM/Sirius has done it again. Holy smokes. This station features some boss little remixes. For instance, there was a nice little David Lei Brandt remix of Jay Sean’s hot groove “Down.” That’s good music, kids. This station comes to you from the blog with a high recommendation, cause that song gots down like the economy. And then they played a Kaskade remix of Telephone. That was super-cool. PLUS! Kylie Minogue is back, bitches.

Alright, here comes the big finish:

8. ZIGGY STARDUST
Okay, speaking of satellite radio, you know how much I love The Coffee House. And, it had been a while since I had the extreme pleasure of hearing this song by the wonder that is David Bowie. So, therefore, this song is now on that groovy little listing of videos on the right of this ground-breaking blog. And, let’s talk about it for a little bit:

Lyrically, it’s one of the saddest songs I think I’ve ever heard. So, when you listen-in, listen-in for the words. They’re boss. I think Ziggy Stardust is going to be my new alias. Probably shouldn’t have told you that.

Seriously, though. David Bowie can kind of do no wrong. I mean, in Under Pressure, right there at the end, that lyric that starts off with “love’s such an old-fashioned word…” Holy Toledo. You can’t deny that kind of greatness. He is awesome. And Ziggy Stardust really is his best. That’s what I think, anyhow.

DAVID+BOWIE=FLAT-OUT, FULL-ON COOL.

PLUS! There are a few more new songs available for your auditory bliss. So, I don’t really know what you’re waiting for. Grab those handy-dandy earbuds and groove around for a cool little minute. That line-up of impressive videos is patiently waiting. And just know that all of those songs are obsessions that swim around in my brain 24/7. Groovin’ is what we do.

Alright, those were my eight current obsessions. And eight’s a good number. We could even call this post “Kate Plus 8.” Too soon? Perhaps.

At any rate, you know how much I love you. Do I need to say it again? Well, just to reiterate, and never to belabor, I do love you. In fact, you’re my number nine on that list of current obsessions.

Yours in extreme obsession,
katie beth

WAIT. There’s more.
I can’t leave without telling you how obsessed I was with the second installment of SJP and the ladies of Sex & The City. I mean, really. I felt like I had already seen the movie before I ever even went. But then, in true SATC fashion, I hadn’t seen anything yet. It really was the best sex yet. AND I have one word, four letters: LIZA.

In fact, I liked that movie so much, I might even put a ring on it. Again: too soon? This time: definitely.

Also, the soundtrack to the movie is quite impressive. I can really get down to the Bali-Wood-esque vibe. Plus, that Empire State of Mind can do no wrong. And as much as I love Jay-Z, this song just gets better with only Alicia Keys. It’s like an effing revival at the church of cool. Be sure to check it out.

Anyway, go out and see the movie. We’ll talk more about it later. I don’t want to ruin it for those who haven’t seen it yet.

Okay, this time this post really is over. At least until we meet again.

Now go get obsessed. And, as always, feel free to fall in love. And do it with a sweet disposition. See how I did that?

REPRESENT.

we're human and pigs ain't.

Is it time for a new post? I’m thinkin yes. And so, let’s settle into it. You know what I’ve been thinking a lot about lately? I bet you can’t guess, but if you could, you might be tempted to say some things like “coffee,” or “The Constitution,” or “bagels,” or even “The Divine Command Theory.” And let me tell you something, all of those guesses would be so painfully correct, but they’re not the direct basis of this here new post.

So, if you kept on listing things, trying to find the actual topic of this post, and if you guessed “Xenotransplantation,” not only would you be right, but I’d also be awfully impressed. Now, I realize that seems like a heavy topic and son-of-a-b, it sure as hell is, but more than that, it’s downright interesting and it’s super-important.

In order to set the scene, I first have to tell you that I ended up with a B in Philosophy. Upon first learning of my grade, it was a kind of depressing thing for me. Cause, here’s what: that was definitely some of the most interesting stuff I’ve heard in years. I mean really. So, when you don’t get the top grade, you feel a little down about yourself. And really, you start to question it all.

But hold on, cause then I realized it would be kind of silly to award a shiny A in Philosophy. Because I mean, that would mean that I fully understood everything that was taught to me, and I don’t. And that’s the best part. And I’ve got to tell you something: I have never been happier about a B. Really. It’s a good thing.

Anyhow, you might be currently asking yourself, “Wait. What in the hell is Xenotransplantation?” And it’s to that question that I tell you to cool your jets, cause I’m fixing to fill you in.

In my Philosophy class, right there towards the end, we watched a PBS documentary called “Organ Farm.” Now, I have to tell you that I don’t know where it is that I stand on the whole thing. I mean, it’s a big issue, but really, I guess it’s not an issue any longer if it’s already going on. And I can see the pros and I can certainly see the cons.

Holy smokes. Wait a second, you need a definition. Okay, Xenotransplantation is a big, fun n’ fancy word that basically means that we inject animals with human DNA, raise them, and harvest their organs for human transplantation. And then, you know, hope for the best. And, in this PBS flick, the animals being used are pigs.

And I gotta tell you, at first, I felt sorry for the cute little things, but then I thought, well, our society has no problem [at least for the majority] with justifying killing pigs for nothing more than a little breakfast side-dish. And then I felt like a jerk, but there’s certainly something more exploitive about this whole organ farm thing. It seems, as barbaric as it may sound, natural to kill an animal and eat it. That’s been going on for years, and that certainly isn’t to say that it’s right, but the idea of re-harvesting a species just so that we can have hearts and kidneys on stand-by feels egotistical.

And get ready, cause here’s where the Philosophy really sets in with this whole topic of Speciesism. I mean, I guess we’re all guilty of it, cause most of us eat animals. But let me tell you something. I was a vegetarian once for a day. And it was the worst day of my life. And I don’t feel guilty about it, cause I treat animals with respect. I mean, I feel like I at least give them a proper send off by really appreciating them as good food. Oh, gees. Now I just feel sick.

And I appreciated that these doctors, who are of obvious brilliance that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to achieve, allowed cameras to document what’s happening inside their big, white, top-secret warehouses. Regardless of how I or anyone else feels about it, there’s no denying the historical significance, but then I really start to wonder whether or not these brilliant scientists aren’t just on some super-warped power trip. If I had the ability and the know-how to dominate a species that can’t speak for itself just to save a member of my own species, I don’t know how I’d handle that power, but just because we’ve learned enough to keep on advancing in these “scientific breakthroughs,” well, that certainly doesn’t justify us actually doing so.

Furthermore, this whole “AIDS II” thing really makes me want to take a back-seat. Undeniably, being able to give the people who patiently wait exactly what they need to get up out of their hospital beds and live-out the rest of their life would be wonderful. I mean really.

I’m sure that I would be whistling a different tune [if I could actually whistle] if I found out tomorrow that I had to have a heart transplant. I think that I would see it as such that I could, in fact, die waiting for a human heart. And, hell, if that’s going to be the case, then I might as well put it all out there and go for it. Sure, sign me up for a pig heart, but then again, what if we did manifest AIDS II? In that respect, the good would not outweigh the bad. Because even though I would live with this new beating heart, I could have the potential to wipe-out the entire human race. I’m sure that’s not what those auspicious white-clothed scientists set-out to achieve.

Cause it’s really scary. Because we don’t know what kind of disease could mutate, because it’s something that we would have never seen before, we would have no way of testing for it. You can’t test for something that you’ve never seen before.

And it really seems nothing short of disgusting that these drug companies are funding this whole endeavor. Really, I’m sure that a lot of the doctors and the scientists who were interviewed in this good-time PBS movie genuinely do see all the good in what they’re doing, but it probably goes without saying that the drug companies only see dollar signs.

The disgust sure would lie within using and exploiting pigs, but it really lies within the reality that these cures aren’t being funded so that we’ll have some pretty little rainbows-and-sunshine ending to our heartbreaking situations. The funding is being granted so that yet another big-time medicine franchise can get going, so that the drug companies can make even more gargantuan amounts of money. And, of course, with these shiny new genetically manifested organs, we’ll live longer. And living longer sure does mean that we’ll need even more treatments and more medicine. And more reasons to turn ourselves into hypochondriacs every time we switch on the TV.

SCREW THOSE DRUG ADS AND THEIR GENERAL SYMPTOMS OF THEIR MADE-UP ILLNESSESS AND THEIR WORD VOMIT LISTING OF LIFE-THREATENING SIDE-EFFECTS. Those things ruin perfectly good television.

Side effects may include, but are not limited to: DEATH WITHOUT PURPOSE. Holy smokes. Wouldn’t that just be the worst?

Inevitably, if [when] this really does take-off, I wonder how they’ll advertise it. I wonder what pretty little pictures they’ll use to make us feel like what’s been done is completely justified because big-time ivy league graduates have researched and developed it, just for us.

Just because “smart people” are doing it, doesn’t mean it’s a “smart idea.”

Moreover, on the video aspect, I can’t understand how these extremely educated people could say some of the things they were saying. It doesn’t take an important diploma to see that a cold, metal room with tons of plastic enveloping every table is not, at all, “a pig-friendly environment.” I mean really. At some point, you start to realize that these scientists aren’t just giving us the facts. They’re pitching the idea. They’re promoting it and trying to make it sound as cuddly as possible. And by stating that they’re “trying to make [the pigs’] lives as pleasant as possible” well, that’s a ridiculous thing to say. If they were, in fact, doing so, all they’d really need is some mud.

I realize that’s an overstatement of what they’re saying. I realize that what they’re doing is nothing short of incredible, but I also realize that a lot of the interviews felt contrived and rehearsed. It seemed as though the doctors were given a list of little phrases to try and work in. For instance, “it will change the face of medicine forever,” or “it creates a set of options for physicians,” but the reality is that we’re constantly searching for something else to secure our own best interests, no matter the cost, both literally and figuratively.

Hello speciesism. It’s nice to see you again.

Anyhow, let me sum this topic on up with the following, because I just, ever so confidently, added “xenotransplantation” to my e-lectronic dictionary. So, let’s hear it for seemingly logical innovation at the cheap little cost of swine exploitation in some top-secret warehouse. Justification lies in the reasoning that we’re human and pigs ain’t. Rest in peace, benevolence. We’ll bury you right-next to Hippocrates and his oath. Speciesism looks better on us, anyhow.

Gees, guys.

Well, that wasn’t too heavy, was it? I hope not. I also would like to congratulate the undoubtedly few who actually made it to the end of this post. And just when I thought you couldn’t get any cooler. Way to keep with it, my good and beautiful reader.

At any rate, I guess you now see why this class was so down-right awesome. And there’s more to come. Cause I really like talking about it. I hope you like reading it. Alright, now that this post is over, you know I always invite you and honestly implore you to stick around and enjoy some of those tunes. I think you and me both need some background music while we sit around and ponder all that is “xenotransplantation.” And really, ponder all that is the blog.

Now, go eat some bacon.

Yours,
katie beth
Hey, wait a second. Did you know that James Earl Jones had an incapacitating stutter until he was fourteen? Well, just thought I’d throw that out there.

touch gloves again.

Holy moly. It’s been a good little while since we last talked, blog-style. First things first: if you told me happy b-day, via the wonder that is facebook, let me tell you how glad I am that you decided to do so. You people are completely boss. Also, somewhere between that last post and today, we broke 1,000 hits, people. You know I want you to go fix yourself another drink and toast the blog. You can even pop champagne. I mean, granted you got that dough. So, now that we’re back into the swing of things, let me give you a fast little update on some important stuff:

1. I am now twenty years-old and man-oh-man, do I look different. No, that was a lie, but I do feel different. Why? Cause, holy smokes, I’m no longer a teenager. And rightfully so. I’ve felt far-away from that for a good little while, anyhow.

2. There are some kickin’ songs getting their well-deserved time on this here blog, over to your right. Check em out, while you’re checkin’ in.

3. I stayed up the other night and watched True Life, over on MTV. You and me both will be glad to know that Nikki and Amanda no longer hate their plastic surgery.

4. Summer is in full-on-good-times mode. Let’s make plans to hang out. And let’s do it real soon.

5. I can’t stop watching those “Real Housewives,” over on Bravo. The New York ones make me feel like I actually am Jewish. (ch-yeah!) The New Jersey ones make me feel like an Italian. (ch-yeah! again) The Orange County ones make me want to get a spray tan. (not so ch-yeah.) And the Atlanta ones make me want to kick-start my rappin’ career (total ch-yeah!)

6. I heard and then saw that girl again from Books-A-Million. And she acted like she remembered who I was, but I dodged her and kept on moving. It was an awkward situation for everyone involved.

7. I am still frantically checking my final grades. I don’t know what the damn hold up is. I showed up on time and took the tests. The least you can do is let me know how much I rocked it. So far, we’ve got three As, but I’m still waiting on Philosophy and Anatomy II. CROSS YO FINGAS!

Okay, now that you’re updated on some important stuff, let’s talk a little:

I know I already said it, but I really was impressed and down right honored by all of the awesome people who took the time out of their day to tell me happy birthday. It really did mean the world. I mean, really. It did. And do you remember that one post I did with the picture of them Power Rangers on it?

Well, if you do, you are a true fan of the blog and, therefore, a true love in my life, but if you don’t, I pretty much promised to always be there for you. In fact, I told you that if anyone or everyone starts giving you a bunch of shit, you can call me. And I really meant it. HOLY MOLY, now you really can call me and I guess you could have called me before, but now it’s a lot more exciting, since I got a new phone. 423.384.9126 Now, I’m gonna trust you with that number. Don’t abuse it. And now, I know who I can give shout-outs to:

The following is a list of the people who told me happy b-day, via the book of face. And I am so super-honored. And we’re even gonna shout-out to the people who got there a little late. Quite frankly, nothing’s better than hearing “happy birthday” after the fact, cause then it still feels like it’s going on.

Anyhow, here it is. And I just took the liberty of abbreviating names, cause I don’t want to step on anyone’s privacy. Although, I mean, it’s not like anyone outside of the following list would read the blog, so I don’t think we have anything to worry about, but for just-in-cases, I chose to
abbreviate:

a. nunley
a. richardson
a. wilder
b. bailey
c. brown
c. carden
c. hicks
c. morelock
c. walker
d. preston
d. walker
d. wilcox
e. byerley
e. gooch
e. helton
e. wadewitz
f. counts
g. valentine
h. laughlin
j. beatty
j. hurd
j. lane
j. murray
j. taylor
j. glenn walker
j. walker
j. welch
k. bussell
k. lyons
l. coffey
l. mears
l. wagner
m. byerley #1
m. byerley #2
m. fox
m. hash
m. peters
m. todd
m. walker
m. williams
o. whitlock
p. byerley
p. crisp
r. hudson
r. skoby’s
s. barker
s. ehrhart
t. cleek
t. helmer
t. roark
v. cooper
v. Germinario
v. wheeler
w. gregg


Holy smokes, that was hard work. Was it goofy that I alphabetized it? Well, rightfully so. At any rate, I hope I didn’t leave anyone out, cause then I’d just feel like a jerk. And if you didn’t tell me happy birthday, well, that’s alright. Just be sure and try to not to forget important dates ever again. Cause I know you’re super-jealous of those lucky and elite people who now have their names [well, at least their abbreviated names] on the blog. Man, that is a ridiculously huge honor, and I’m glad to be able to give it to people who are truly worthy.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it all night, you people really are completely boss, and I can’t thank you enough.

Okay, one more thing:

Now that the school year’s over, I thought I’d give you an end-of-the-year assessment:

:: Art History ::
Basically, Art History is just another way of saying, “Humanities,” which I’ve had. And which I liked, but it was basically a lot of the same stuff. I’m not sure if that’s how it was supposed to go down. Anyhow, I had a really cool teacher who was totally chill. He didn’t waste anyone’s time with being all silly and counting off points for lack of attendance. And it really goes to show how well that whole system works, because people still did show up. Treating students like adults works. It really does.

:: Philosophy ::
“Philosophy = Beard. Beard = Philosophy.”
“Wait, what?” Well, that’s a good-enough quote to signify the overall experience of the class, but once I got into it, gees, I really got into it. Now I find myself buying books on the subject and it couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. I thought, wow, there is actually a huge and beautiful field of study dedicated to what I was already thinkin’. I have never felt more sane about being a little crazy. Plato and a platypus walk into a bar…

:: Speech ::
Well, I ended up really surprising myself. I was pretty much dreading having to take the class, but it ended up being my favorite. I met some pretty awesome people and it felt really good to know that there are going to be people out there in the world that like what I write, how I write it, and how I say it. That’s genuine vindication right there.

:: Marriage & Family ::
There are no words. Actually, there are: basically, this class taught me that marriage is a hoax and that, sure, it exists, but only for about six months. And then that little fire you got going will hopelessly go out. Let’s pretend like we didn’t already know that and just keep on keepin’ on. We already knew that love is a battlefield. I could have just tuned-in to a little soft rock and saved myself the agony.

:: Anatomy II ::
Surprisingly, just as painfully, hopelessly, and depressingly flat-out, full-on awful as Anatomy I.

Well, that settles it and finishes it. Another semester gone, but I really did learn a whole lot. I feel immensely enlightened, and I sure do hope the same is true for you.

As always, I send you love and appreciation for taking the time to read a little on the blog. And I really do love you for it.

Anyhow, in the same fashion as that last power ranger post, in which I promised to be there for you whenever you need me, let’s touch gloves.

Also, let’s make even more plans to grow old together. And I feel like it was okay for me to recycle that picture and use it again on the blog. Some things are just instant classics and that’s a thing that they can’t help.

Also, go settle into those songs that are new to the blog. Especially that first one. Did you hear that one line? “you came, you saw / you sawed her brains / cut out all the parts that held your stain” man-oh-man, I love you J. Vernon. Really.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: I really did get a brand&shiny&new cellular device. It is really beautiful and I am currently obsessed with three things:

1. I have a barcode scanner which means that I can scan things and see where I can get them for a cheaper price. But really, who cares about being economical? Scanning things is the total best part.

2. I have a really neat application called “Campfire Games.” So, I’ll never be bored again.

3. I now have a bitchin compass. Right now, I am settled-in at 202 SW.

4. Pandora. Gees.

And, speaking of Pandora, you just better get ready cause I’ve already started up a new set of post-its and I am rapidly filling it up with epic tunage. You’re so welcome.

Yours,
katie beth
literal age: 20
metaphysical age: 117
power ranger age: bitch please. seriously though, touch gloves.

bring may flowers.

Hey, doesn’t that title sound a little like a British person when you say it out-loud? That wasn’t the intention, but it’s working.

Well, it sure is nice to see you back here on the blog. You know it usually takes me half a page to give a proper hello, but I’m going to bypass my innate want to tell you over-and-over how much I like you coming on over to read these posts because we have much to talk about:

May is quickly approaching, and I don’t feel bad about pulling a jump-ahead over the month of April. Why? Because great things are going to happen in May, people. And that’s what we’re going to discuss:

Okay, first and foremost, there are going to be ridiculous amounts of good things happening in the incandescent world of music. To make sure I get them all in, we’re going to make a chronological list of what’s going to happen, along with some other things happening this May of 2010. Most of them are on here so that I’ll do a good job of keeping-up with things:

1 May
Things to remember:
Seriously think about starting to study for final exams.

2 May
Things to remember:
Okay, now really start studying for exams. Really.

3 May
Events:
Birthday Eve
Things to remember:
Learn everything humanly possible, well, sort-of, about: the history of paintin’ and the good people who did it, the minds who talked and what they said, communicating with the masses, the discouragement of holy matrimony.

4 May
Albums:
Broken Social Scene “Forgiveness Rock Record”
New Pornographers “Together”
Events:
Turn 20, but don’t celebrate too much, on account of: 1. Art History Exam 2. Philosophy Exam 3. Speech Final 4. Marriage & Family (yes, the class is just as the title states) Exam. And THEN, cram stuff about Anatomy for exam the next day. Pretty sure the universe is saying: “happy (insert explicit word that begins with ‘f’ , and tack an ‘ing’ right there on the end) birthday.”
Things to remember (this one’s for you, good reader):
Send help and bring balloons.

5 May
Events:
Cinco De Mayo
Anatomy Final
Things to remember:
Send more help and bring tacos.

[jump-on-ahead to the 8th of May]

8 May
Events:
Betty White hosts SNL with the musical sounds of Jay-Z, and I couldn’t have even imagined a more-perfect match-up.

[we’re skipping a few days, but that sure-as-hell ain’t to say that nothing exciting won’t happen between Saturday night and May 11th]

11 May
Albums:
Kaskade “Dynasty”
Keane “Night Train”
The National “High Violet”
Sleigh Bells “Treats”
Woods “At Echo Lake”

WAIT, did you hear me? I said HIGH VIOLET. That’s right, I know we’ve waited for what’s felt like forever, but we’ll finally be able to hold The National’s new album right here in our hands. AND, they’re already streaming it. And I’d like to take this moment to thank the good people over at the NY Times for doing so. Not only was I super-exited to listen-on-in, but there is also some good reading to be had by all, but I stopped somewhere around the third page. Don’t worry, though. I plan on reading it all tonight. Anyhow, I want you to be able to experience it, so here’s the link. You’re welcome:

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/25/magazine/25national-t.html?pagewanted=1

let’s talk about it for a little bit:
Alright, that first song is going to blow your mind, but you’ll have to sew it back up, because it’s just gonna keep on happening. All of the songs are completely boss, but I’d just like to state that the song called “England” has got to be a shout-out to Manheim Steamroller. Trust me, you’ll hear it, and you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about. Also, “Lemonworld” is just flat-out great, and so is everything else. I can’t get enough of it. Make a date with that article, click that playlist on the left, and don’t ever stop listening. I am being completely serious. Especially that last song. Gees.

[skipping ahead again]

18 May
Albums:
Band of Horses “Infinite Arms”
The Black Keys “Brothers”
LCD Sound system “This Is Happening”

[skip almost ten days, but not quite]

27 May
Sex and the City Two will be playing in a theater near you. That rhymed, and I am super-excited about it.

Okay, those were the important things going to happen in May, among many others that you’ll just have to see about on your own. Also, I have lots o’ friends who have birthdays in this great month, and know that those are definitely on my calendar, because birthdays are super-important. Plus, that means that lots of my people are fellow members of the Taurus segment of Astrology. IDEA! I am totally going to write a post all about Astrology, because it blows my mind. Really. It’s so neat-o.

Wait, there’s more: I also just purchased some books. I am so excited to read some things that I actually went out and found on my own. And, as I was standing in line, I was just getting so excited about the four books I had. And about the Bicycle Eco-Friendly deck of cards. And the two bookmarks I bought that look like little Oriental rugs. And the little Yankee Candle thing that hangs around for your car that smells like sunscreen and good times. But then, the girl who was behind the counter ruined it all.

[the following is a slightly long story. I can understand if you just want to bypass it, but I feel like it’s important for me to share it with you. If it pleases you to do so, continue on, and know that I will like you even more for doing so]

She was so obnoxious. I mean, really. She had quite possibly the highest, most nasal-ish, voice I have ever had the displeasure of listening to. And I felt sorry for her. I thought, “man, that’s got to be rough to have that voice,” but then she really started to talk. And she went through that whole song-and-dance of getting some piece of plastic card with the store name stamped on it, and I just sort of told her that I wasn’t really interested.

But she wouldn’t stop. And she was getting smart, and really, she was getting rude. I tried to be funny and alleviate the awkward situation, what with her giving me these dirty looks, and all. I told her that it was a good sales pitch, but she said it obviously wasn’t good enough. And I laughed. But she didn’t. She was honestly mad at me. And she started crunching numbers and telling me, in that awful voice she had, that I could have saved seven dollars. Wow. And then she said that I could I have nearly paid for half of the cost of the card in just one visit.

And she asked me if I shopped there often. And I said, “I guess so.” Clearly, that wasn’t good enough for her. She almost asked it as if I was illiterate. I know that sounds like I was reading (haha, pun definitely intended) too far into it, but you just had to hear the way she said it. And then I said that, really, you shouldn’t be all that frequent of a shopper in a bookstore. I mean, at some point, you actually go home and read the damn things.

Well, she kept on going. And she just kept on, and it really takes a good lot for me to get honestly ticked off at people, but holy smokes, I was there.

And then I said that I would gladly pay her the seven dollars that I could have saved, just to shut her the hell up. No, I didn’t really say that, but I did say it in my head. I’m good at maintaining my composure, and keepin’ it classy. And I guess that’s why I missed her saying that I didn’t have to fill out my check, because she was just going to give it right back. Which, that whole new situation makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t want it back. That’s why I gave it to you.

Anyway, when I kept on filling it out, I can’t remember now exactly what she said, but I can remember that is was awfully snarky, but not in a good way. Snarky can be good. I always enjoy a snarky sense of humor, but she wasn’t being funny. Anyhow, a friend was most certainly not made that day, but I do have the books, and the cards, and the bookmarks, and the scented cardboard. And they are happily home safe with me and glad to be far-far-away from the girl who works behind the cash register. Also, if you should visit the Books-A-Million store, in this fair town of Kingsport, keep an eye out for her. Better yet, keep an ear out, because I was honestly partially deaf for at least twenty minutes.

At any rate, I sure am looking forward to reading those books and don’t worry. I’ll be sure to tell you all about them. Also, I put the little cardboard scented thing on the dashboard and I put my cell phone right there with it, and now, my phone has the scent like that of a new Cabbage Patch Kid. Epic win.

[okay, story’s over]

Also, one more thing. Before we get too pumped about May, let’s talk a little April, just out of common-courtesy to the current month: April does mean showers, but most importantly, it means prom. I’m not going to explain it all here, but just know that I have a video of E. Byerley that is hands-down, one of the most hilarious things you and me both will ever see. I can’t put it on here, by way of my phone, cause it’s too long, but if you should see me out, you just ask. And I will gladly show it to you.

Alright, my friends, now that you have so many good things to look forward to, this post has now reached its end. I know that makes you sad, but here’s two more things to look forward to, coming in the new month of May: flowers and new posts. Well, that seemed more exciting before I actually typed it.

Anyhow, May is going to be legendary, I am sure of it. So, mark those important events on your dry-erase calendars and let’s get excited.

And don’t stop thinkin’ about tomorrow, cause June will soon be here. And guess what that means? That’s right. Come June 1st, Clay Aiken’s new album is gonna drop like a ton of bricks.

[this is the part where you laugh]

Yours & soon to be a year-older,
katie beth
PS: I’ll be waiting by the mailbox for that birthday card you’re gonna send me. Also, I have no idea who that is in the bikini, but I can tell you one thing: I really like his style.