America: I blame you.

Elvis is dead and I don’t feel so good myself.

[by the way, besides being a great thing to say, that’s also a book. you should really read it.]

Also, as of the time that this was posted, the blog hit counter had officially reached 230. That’s exciting and therefore, I think it’s reason to celebrate. So, go fix yourself another drink and let's have a toast to the blog.

If it’s your first time here at the blog, first of all: where the hell have you been? second of all, I’m glad you decided to click and spend some time. It’s good to know that you’ve finally jumped on the band wagon.

Anyhow, I’ve got to tell you a little secret something. It’s been almost a month since I purchased “Common Sense” by Glenn Beck (does it have two n’s? I‘m too scared to get it out and look). I know. It was a strange moment of weakness the other day at Target, where you can find me almost any Friday, which is also known as “Fun Day”. I don’t work there, I just love the place.

At any rate, I bought the book and I feel strange knowing it’s in my nightstand. It’s just hangin’ out in there with my copy of The Times when Obama won and my copy of Rolling Stone when Adam Lambert was on it. yes, I watch American Idol and you should, too.

It’s probably the only time that you’re going to find Glenn Beck, Barry Obama, and that shining star Adam Lambert all in the same place. If it should happen anywhere else, run. you’re in the middle of an apocalypse.

I don’t know why I bought the thing, but America: I blame you.

I don’t know what’s going on out there in the universe, but there’s strange talk of people solely voting for parties abroad. As I’m getting older, and, of course, wiser, I have decided that I no longer really want to associate with either “party.”

Socially speaking, I will now and forever more be Liberal. That’s something that I don’t see ever changing. But I am kind of tired of being a Democrat. Not because I don’t agree with all that the party stands for, but because that’s the ruination of this whole place.

Anymore, people just vote for a “D” or an “R.” Isn’t that just awful?

I mean, I don’t think we really vote for people anymore. That’s not at all what I think those good people in the powdered wigs set out to establish.

So, here’s what: let’s get back to what they wanted. Let’s stop voting for someone because they’re associated with a jack-ass or a big obnoxious elephant. Instead, let’s be a little proactive (yes, that is a word, and not just a line of facial products) and look that shit up.

Look up stuff about the people running. That way, you’ll know the truth. And therefore, you’ll see through the superfluous hype.

Well, good friends, that’s all I’ve got for now. wait. there's more: I saw where some people are joining a group on Facebook titled “I hate it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is President.”

That’s not okay, people. I know you’re probably just doing it for kicks-n-giggles, but it’s a tad harsh.

To the people who have joined: I hope you’ll reconsider. He really is good people. Also, I hope you’ll stop being silly and just be a little jazzed that you’re waking up at all in the morning. And you know what? I’m about to get all patriotic on your ass:

Be thankful that you are in this country. I mean, we live in a place where you can join a group that’s solely dedicated to not liking your fearless leader. You can’t do that in too many other places.

And don’t start spouting out at me that he’s taking away your freedoms. If you don’t like it, I don’t think I’d mind it too much if you left. And he ain’t doin’ that anyhow.

Sorry, guys. that was bitter. I didn’t mean it. Actually, a part of me did, but at least it wasn’t all of me.

Anyhow, I think the real issue here is that we’re finally being told what the hell’s going on up there in that shiny white castle. I’d also like to know where these Barry O haters were for the unfortunate eight years that what’s-his-face was in charge. If they’re all so concerned about “the way our country is heading” then why didn’t they see what an idiot they had elected when Dubya was ruling this place?

I mean really. I’d like to have more respect for Republicans, but it’s hard when I remember that a lot of ‘em voted for that capital D dumb ass not just once, but twice.

It’s right up there with T-Swift: I just don’t get it.

That may or may not contradict what the point was of this whole thing. I hope it doesn’t, but just in case here’s the point:

In conclusion, when it comes time to vote again, I hope you’ll do your American duty and get on the internet for something more than looking at pictures of people that you don’t really know, cultivating crops for an imaginary farm, watching videos of people cry about B. Spears, or Google-ing lyrics to that song that you want to post as your status. Instead, I hope you’ll look some stuff up about the people who you’re voting for because, although they may forget it, they’re working for us.

After you’ve done that, you can come right back to the blog and enjoy some Tazo tea and some delightful posts.

Also, maybe I’ll crack open that book I got and then I’ll let you know about it. I’m starting to find that I’m actually looking forward to it. That’s right - the blog is reaching across the aisle, and you heard it here first.

Yours,
katie beth

an ode to annoyances.

The following is a list of things that are getting on my nerves. So much so, that I’ve made a list of things getting on my nerves. Then I provided ways to alleviate all of us from these annoying things happening in our everyday lives:

1. I am sick and tired of pictures popping up on my Facebook homepage of people taking pictures of themselves. quit it. I know what you look like and it’s obvious that you do, too.
SOLUTION: people who have albums on Facebook solely dedicated to pictures of their faces and nothing else -you know, they’ve got titles like “Just Me!” and “OMG! IT’S MY FACE!”- need to stick those faces in a pit filled with toxic fumes and slowly inhale.

2. I am sick and tired of people only asking “Will this be on the test?” while in a class.
SOLUTION: pull your head out of you ass and stop worrying about the test and try your hand at actually learning something. teachers don’t become teachers to stand around and teach you their test, well, at least not the good ones.

3. I am sick and tired of lame music getting way too much credit.
SOLUTION: quit purchasing i-tunes of people whose songs get played on the Disney Channel.

4. I am sick and tired of that dog-from-hell invention that you people call “Farmville.”
SOLUTION: IT’S NOT REAL!

5. I am sick and tired of pathetic plots in movies. I see the same damn storyline.
SOLUTION: take your date elsewhere.

6. I am sick and tired of that commercial that gets played over and over here in East TN. You know, that one where the guy says, “Johnson City Honda. Johnson City.”
SOLUTION: flip off your TV set and shake your head while saying: “no shit, Sherlock. where the hell else would it be?”

7. I am sick and tired of ALWAYS getting stuck behind a Virginia driver.
SOLUTION: I don’t have one yet. it’s still in development. let me know if you have any grand ideas.

8. I am sick and tired of Fox News.
SOLUTION: do the right thing and adopt the life of a Liberal. it’s a lot more fun.

9. I am sick and tired of know-it-alls.
SOLUTION: shut up.

10. I am sick and tired of saying “I am sick and tired.”
SOLUTION: this list is now over.

okay, kids. study up and get those number 2 pencils ready…there will be a test.

Yours,
katie beth

Wait- this post isn’t over because I want you to know one more thing (consider it extra credit if you get it right) I will never grow sick and tired of hearing/saying “that’s what she said.”

I know you’re probably real sick of it, and I had a friend one time tell me that I sounded like an obnoxious frat boy for sayin’ it, but here’s what: I ain’t gonna quit.

Some phrases are just legends. And that’s a thing that they can’t help.

So, here’s to you, Michael Scott. I love when you do it on Thursday nights.
…that’s what she said.